insanity strikes back

Never being someone to kick back and relax, I’m at a loss right now. The last time I remembered ever losing my focus and motivation was in 2002. When life gave me lemons, I learnt to make lemonade…

What the heck am I talking about? Forget the lemons. I’m depressed. It’s a common affliction among the creative set, I’ve been told. Yet, as I grow older, the smiles are fewer and far between. The laughter has started to sound mighty hollow. How I wish I can say – "I’m happier now than I was then". But then…was when? 

Is it the full moon? Wait. The full moon has passed right? Whatever. I still blame the full moon but you’ll never catch me howling. That’s private. I’m feeling just like the struggling artist with the perpetually tortured soul. But I’m just sane enough not to hack my ear off. Yet.

So then, when will I stop judging myself so harshly? What will make me stop pushing myself to the limit time and again? I am my own worst critic. Welcome to the freak show.

I can never take a holiday without getting depressed after the first few days of doing nothing. Relaxing can actually drive me nuts. Sitting in front of the tv is pure torture. Soon some mysterious illness will kill me, or better yet, take over my body, eat my brains for breakfast, ravage my internal organs for lunch and convince the remaining shell to walk willingly into a bonfire to be roasted and served up as dinner. What a happy thought.

"If you feel like you are swimming in rough seas, it would be understandable. There is a solution to every problem, so keep looking – you can find the right answer." so says the voice of sanity.