for the love of the colour black

5.02.2007
Posted in misc
I have been thinking of what it would be like to be surrounded by everything black. Clothing, food, furniture, walls, floors etc. Just imagine it… black reflective marble floors. Exciting? Black satin sheets. Trying too hard? Black food? OK. Not too weird… cause dark chocolate and black coffee are still my two favourite "food groups".
 
So what does black symbolise? I did a little research and this is what I came up with.
 
Black = protection, repelling negativity, binding, shapeshifting, power, sexuality, sophistication, formality, elegance, classy, wealth, power, mystery, fear, evil, anonymity, unhappiness, depth, style, evil, sadness, remorse, anger, underground, modern music, space, high quality, bad luck, formality, reservedness, dignity, elegance, secretiveness, fear of the unknown, night, emptiness, dirtiness, sophistication, strength of character, dramatic, authority, prestige, grief, anger, reliability, strong, classic, strength, anti-establishment, modernism, serious
 
From all of that, this word leapt out and slapped me - EMPTINESS. I believe this hits the nail right on the head.
 
I’m empty. A shell. I have learnt to control my emotions as I grew older. Once burnt, twice shy. In my case, I’ve been burnt one too many times. When will I learn, woman?
Will openly expressing love weaken the tough exterior I portray to the world? I’m not sure.
Will letting people understand me better, or come too close, equal to opening myself up for betrayal? I don’t know.

I see everything nowadays with a very detached attitude. If I don’t let it come too close, then it can’t hurt me. If I don’t want it so much, then it won’t hurt so bad when I lose it. But it does hurt. It hurts like hell. Only I don’t want to care. But I do. I care so very very much.

 

Are you confused yet? God knows I am.
 

 
Listening to: the computer fan whirring round and round
Watching: CSI season 1 episodes whole day
Reading: nothing new (spent all my money on black clothing :p )
 
WHAT SPECIES AM I TODAY?
According to my sis, it’s species P.I.G.